The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Today went extremely well - recovery-wise and in general. I ate two decent meals and had a snack. I also drank a whole bottle of water.

I played xbox with people I haven't played with in a long while, and enjoyed that, and I went shopping and got foods I love - and I didn't feel guilty for eating them. Go me. That is such a huge improvement.

It is enormous for me. I ate tatter tots, mac n' cheese and some chocolate-coated squares of English toffee. I ate the mac n' cheese and tatter tots mixed in with a vegetarian fake chicken burger, which I cut into squares. I also had a cup of peas and a handful of rocket leaves and 1/4th of an avocado. The whole lot was mixed in together... and it was reaaaalllly good. I couldn't finish it all, but that is okay - I saved it and will eat it tomorrow.

I am really happy that I had at least 3 serves of carb-rich foods today - because I also had toast earlier. Since I have tried to add at least one serve of carbs into my meals, I have been mentally feeling better - more alert, able to stay awake for hours and hours, and that makes me really happy. All of the food I ate was enriched with something - the tatter tots had added fibre, the fake chicken has protien and vitamins, and the mac n' cheese was enriched with omega 3 and other things.



I am really proud of myself.



Also, it snowed today. At. My. House. I was so extremely excited. :D It very rarely snows here and... I saw it

:D

Watching snow fall for the first time... it was amazing. Thank you, earth. That was so beautiful. :D

I will miss the city. I'll miss the buses, the stores and the amazing, mindboggling variety you can get. I will miss the autonomy and the thrill of exploring alone.



I move back to my hometown in 9 weeks. It seems like a short time - which cannot come quickly enough. It really can't.

My housemate and the loneliness is not worth this at all.



I need to see if I can get treatment when I move. The city may offer what my small town can't - but not even the surety of treatment will keep me here. Heh.

That feeling when you get a nice comment... ahhh.



Today is warm. Almost disturbingly so for a winter in the south of Australia. I am glad that I am not yet sick enough that I am perma-cold. I seem to have tried to get better just before that kicked in. I'm wearing a cotton dress, stockings and two jackets. And boots and a scarf. It is the tail end of winter. Eugh. I will regret this later.



I think my hair has stopped breaking off as much, which is nice. I had chest pain on Friday and maybe Saturday morning, it comes and goes.

I have horrible pain in my belly when I eat, but apparently thst will go if I eat more. Which is funny because it makes you not want to eat at all... which is exactly why you get the pains anyway - not eating.



I love/hate recovery. I feel like a failure because I feel worse than when I went in, but I know it is doing me some good. Haven't felt like I was going to pass out in weeks, and I haven't had any migraines for about a month.

So... something is obviously working, as much as I may hate it.



I am also suspecting that the dysmorphia may be letting up - but then I fall right back into it. Or maybe it never let up at all.

Thus ends my third week of treatment... and I am weirdly denying I am ill. I wonder how long the psychosis will last - my whole life? I was accepting earlier - when I was being stabbed with lancets and when the nurse checked my blood pressure FOUR times - I was accepting I am ill, when that was happening.

But now, nearly 3am, laying in bed, muscles aching and soaking up warmth... I am telling myself I am fine.

This is fairly common for me - but still...

I accepted it this morning and I know logically that I am ill and that this psychosis, this delusion of health and denial of illness is part OF the illness... but it is so bizarre.

I admitted to pain, and like the professionals they are... full obs taken. Everything was okay - other than my BGL, which was really low. Figures, since I didn't eat much yesterday. It wasn't low enough to make me in any immediate danger, but... it was low.

I'm not sure of the implications for a non-diabetic person - I only remember the implications for a person with type 1 or 2.

Not a non.

Sad but true.

Ah well. That would explain why I was shaking in class last night.



When I get home, I will cook something, I think. I can't wait to get home. No class, no clinic.

Whoo. I shouldn't have to leave my bedroom.

That was not the worst birtday I have ever had, although in terms of what I considered last night, it aas definately "top three worst ever".

Ah well.

I am on my way to get treatment again. This should be swell. I feel like I have regained a little composure, which is good, since the last few days have been extremely messy.

COMMENTS

-

---

NeverMind
23:28 Aug 06 2015

:(

I sincerely hope you start to feel positive vibes and what not soon. I want you to be happy.

You're a really good friend to have and of course I only want positive things for you.

---

Isis101
03:45 Aug 07 2015

And I'll leave a *hug* and a good luck as well.

---

Owlish
06:50 Aug 07 2015

Thanks, guys! :D

I am much better today.

---

POST COMMENT